Bad Movies: Escape from L.A.

Released 15 years after Escape from New York, John Carpenter’s Escape from L.A. rehashes the original plot as Snake Plissken (Kurt Russell) is again dropped in a dystopian metropolitan area on a mission from a villainous U.S. President. The film was a huge flop both critically and financially, but most of all, artistically.

Carpenter and Russell together made several classics during the eighties, including The Thing, Big Trouble in Little China, and Escape from New York. By the time Escape from L.A. came around, both were in a bit of a slump. Carpenter had just directed the ill-conceived remake of Village of the Damned and Russell’s flattop hair style had appeared in the crap fest, Stargate. It is easy to see why the two would want to capitalize on their past success, I just wish they would have brought their A-game. Here are ten reasons why Escape from L.A. is cinematic garbage:

1.       The CGI. It is beyond bad. Three years earlier, Spielberg revolutionized movie-making and made audiences believe dinosaurs existed in Jurassic Park. This film looks like a bad video game, and the effects are worse than the SyFy channel’s bargain basement monster movies. Carpenter has used practical effects in such inventive ways in the past that it is a shame he didn't employ them here.

2.       Kurt Russell’s acting. Russell’s characterization in this film plays more like an over the top Clint Eastwood impression than the bad-ass Snake. I’m sure the script has a lot to do with that, but Russell is listed as a co-writer. I guess that doesn't let him off the hook.

3.       Kurt Russell’s stunt double. It’s pretty convenient that every time Snake does something dangerous, his back is to the camera and his big hair is blocking his face. I suppose it is more believable than the amateurish green screen work of the rest of the film.

4.       Stacy Keach’s pony tail.

5.       The “message”. Carpenter brilliantly satirized U.S. politics in They Live. It is perhaps one of the best responses to the Reagan administration on film. Here, the satire is both lazy and heavy handed. Sure, Cliff Robertson’s President vaguely foretold the religious zealotry of George W. Bush, but in a completely silly way. Also, the President’s daughter is named Utopia? Way to hit us over the head with ironic symbolism.

6.       The year 2013. Why is the fashion of choice in futuristic 2013 black leather? Why is grunge rock being played from the thugs cars? Why is the password on the MacGuffin only three numbers? Shouldn't it be at least twelve digits; including an uppercase and lowercase letter, at least one number and one special character?  Come on, 1996!

7.       The helicopter sequence. How does the helicopter catch on fire and burn everyone in the back seat, without the fire spreading to the front? Snake’s luxurious hair doesn't even catch on fire.

8.       The supporting cast. I am a fan of Steve Buscemi, Pam Grier, Bruce Campbell and Peter Fonda; but they are at their lowest in this film. Buscemi’s character somehow has zero personality, which I didn't think was possible. Pam “The Man” Grier should be offended by this film, as should transvestites the world over. She is dubbed with the deepest voice I've heard this side of Darth Vader. Is it supposed to be funny? I missed the joke. Campbell would seemingly excel in a film like this, but he isn't allowed enough screen time to have any fun with his character, instead only serving as the obligatory plastic surgery in L.A. joke. Finally, I have no idea what Fonda is doing in the movie. He serves no purpose other than to deliver lines such as, “far-out” and “bitchin’, man.”

9.       Surfing ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

10.   And hang gliding ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

I wish that Carpenter and Russell had gotten together and wrote something that was more than just a lazy remake of the original. I believe that the Snake Plissken character lends itself to franchising. Putting the character in a different situation with more dynamic motivation could have yielded a much better film. Instead, we got post-apocalyptic surfing and hang gliding. Shame.